Before I start working my edge it would be helpful to find it first. What is my edge then? What is an edge in the context of a spiritual practice? The idea of looking for one at the edge of the known resonates with me. The edge is where I no longer have a script or for a moment forget about it. Or – is it?
Dosho brought to my attention during our very first talk that:
- one probably has to go over the edge to find it;
- the edge moves with time;
One of my edges is being awake in relationships. At least sometimes. A hard task, one for the people who want to grow muscle of awakening by exercising it and not just thinking of it.
Relationships are hard or rather it is hard to be in relationships because this is where our buttons are pushed to the extremes and because we actually care. Maybe we care too much and maybe not so much about the relationship and not for the person we are in a relationship with as much as for ourselves and how they treat us? One can be all peaceful and loving on the cushion but flies off the handle whenever the current partner or ex partner does or says something that doesn’t fit the script we drafted for how things would develop. Old reactivity patterns are triggered and take over the show. And we are always, always right! Shouldn’t that alone be a signal for us to start suspecting that not everything is as certain as we thought???
I believe it is a comforting lie that we can work on one thing and THEN have a look at how we relate with others, especially the ones we are emotionally involved with. (“I have to focus on myself for now”, as if anything else is not about oneself.) This a psychology of a coward who wants a comfy enlightenment and wishes not hear of the work that has to be done, the aching and the breaking of the muscles as they get stronger (we never take that kind of pain personally, do we?) In the end, the underlying issue is the same in all our struggles (the delusion of separation).
All achy right now but feel very alive… This is how it feels to be human and alive.
