It was not supposed to be like this. My precious self was not supposed to be treated like this.
Unable to change the past my mind starts creating a story of the future, writing a part for that other person to play in my own little play. The past made me angry but this imaginable future will make me disappointed as it is not likely to happen.
If I look at it closer, it does not makes much sense. Suppose I run into someone who looks like a friend of mine and come up to the person only to find out I was mistaken. I do not get mad at the person for being the “wrong” person: I was the one with the “wrong” expectations.
Yet I get mad at this one! He does look very much like the one I thought I knew yet he was behaving like someone else. Not surprisingly. They are two different people (the one in my head and the real one) and unless I like and accept the second one the way he is, I better do the Sorry-I-took- you-for-someone-else routine and go my way. HE could not have acted differently in the past. He was just being HIM. I can still claim my feelings and I certainly don’t have to accept anything he throws my way but I don’t have to be so terribly attached to my misery, do I? For as long as I am willing for things to have been differently in the past or to be my way in the future, misery and its friends will find me.
How often do we want someone else, not the person we liked from the start but the one who would play acording to the script we write in out heads and get disappointed, angry, betrayed and sad, if they don’t deliver. How often do others want us to be someone else. What are the chances that someone would like to know ME as I am, time after time after time?
Allowing others to be themselves, as a friend of mine pointed out, I should also allow myself be the way I am. For example angry in the moment and as they say “Feel the feeling but drop the story”. Rather liberating.