Have I loved (enough)?

In “Everyday Zen” Joko Beck makes a radical statement that relationships don’t work. In fact, it is the very fact that we want something to work that makes relationships unsatisfactory. “We all want something from the people we are in relationship to. None of us can say that we don’t want something from those we are in relationship to… So relationships just don’t work.” What works then? How can someone give me love if love is something we feel inside ourselves? If I am not getting enough love, can it be that I am not feeling enough love, not choosing love but instead balancing the sheets too much?

“Put down the weight of your aloneness…”

A certain person came to te Friend’s door and knocked. “Who is there?” “It’s me” The Friend answered, “Go away. There’s no place for raw meat at this table.” The individual went wandering for a year. Nothing but the fire of separation can change hypocisy and ego. The person returned completely cooked, walked up and

Dharma in relationships

When I saw that Vince Horn was interviewing Insight meditation teacher Christopher Titmuss on Buddhist Geeks on the issues of sexuality and love in the practice of Dharma (episodes 176 & 177) , I heard myself exclaiming, “At last!” As lay practitioners we deal with these issues everyday yet few Buddhist teachers in their Dharma

The price of kissing is your life… let’s buy it! (1)

When I ask someone what it is they like about their partner, often the answer tells me more about what that person receives from their partner – a feeling of being appreciated, loved, understood, safe, etc. It seems what we are looking for in relationships is to have our emotional needs satisfied. Is this not

Practicing by means of collective power

In the presentation part of the warming-up webinar Dosho quoted Dogen-zenji on the benefits of practicing in a community: Although the color of the flowers is beautiful, they do not bloom of themselves; they need the spring breeze to open. The conditions of the Way are also like this; although the Way is complete in

Deeper listening

On our first call with the ”Awakening to the Evolutionary Relationship to Life ” teleclass at Integral Enlightenment we heard an impressive number of participants – over 400 people from 25 countries – that the course gathered. Rather amazing! During the call Craig went through a few principles of engagement for people coming together to

Not one

One of the insights from the last Ango period was the importance of a community and a teacher for one’s practice.  In a community (as well as in relationships of all kinds) we have a chance to test what comes up for us in our practice.  I took a look at my own hang ups

How can you love people when you need people?

If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation”. From “Loving What is”, by Byron Katie Let me say from the start:  when it comes to romantic love, I was cultured into the whole you-complete-me belief  through films, books and some ideas that basically

That business of the edge

Before I start working my edge it would be helpful to find it first. What is my edge then? What is an edge in the context of a spiritual practice?  The idea of looking for one at the edge of the known resonates with me. The edge is where I no longer have a script

Chemistry of love

Unfortunate Coincidence By the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying – Lady make a note of this: One of you is lying. -Dorothy Parker I don’t share Dorothy Parker’s pessimism when it comes to the matters of heart but have noticed that many times it